anyway yesterday willy, junyi, divya, xueting and i went to bukit timah plaza to play pool and have lunch. the games were quite alright. however, it wasn't during the lunch time at pizzahut. we were asking each and everyone to say the first expression of everyone. their first impression of me are the worst. divya thought that i'm an airhead (someone who is pretty, but has nothing in the brain). junyi and willy thought that i'm a ah lian and i'm anti-social. all these negative comments brought back my unpleasant memories in the past years, causing me to feel sad and cry. after much consolation, i stopped crying. but sadness has not stopped here. when we were in willy's car, about to go home, my mum called and pressurized me abt financial problem. once again, i cried because i feel that mum doesn't understand my situation and care about me. on the other hand, i found out that my friends are there for me. they are concerned about me, worried about me. in this group of friends, xueting is my closest friend. we shared our stuffs such as problems, feeling etc. i'm afraid that one day she will abandon me for love like what i think my other sisters are doing. i already felt very upset due to their action and i thought that i have found another closest friend(like sisters) who can accompany me and be there for me when i need her the most. though she has made a promise that she will not abandon me, i'm still afraid. it is not that i suspect her or whatsoever, but instead, it is because people who have told me this in the past have broken their promise.
hai. somehow i'm having a sense of insecurity. maybe because i feel that my closest friend will abandon me one day and i think this one day is coming soon.